What do you do? What do you find yourself doing when something you expected to happen, doesn’t happen? How do you deal with the reality that what you had hoped and wished for doesn’t go your way? Do you cry? Do you scream? Do you get angry? Do you get depressed? Do you brush it off saying it doesn’t matter (when you know it does actually matter…. A LOT).
I have learned from my own experiences and from the experiences of my closest loved ones that disappointment is a b*** to deal with. Heck, take my personal experience as an example…I got married, moved to a city that I really didn’t want to be in, had my wonderful son in the middle of a relationship I wasn’t 100% sure was going to make it even before I got pregnant, got divorced and am the first person in my immediate family to have done so, and now I’m a single parent trying to figure out how to live the life that I imagined in a reality that looks totally different. When I made the decision to separate from my then husband, I was devastated. I cried days before driving to and from work with the weight of my decision. I cried months later over the relationship and the promise lost. I cried for my son who although would be loved to the moon and back would have to live in two different homes for the rest of his life. I was shaken by disappointment and I grieved, and I was angry…I was depressed, and I was angry all over again.
Take another example of disappointment from another close friend. Applying to law schools, she gets the devastating letter back that she does not get into the school of her dreams. As soon as she told me, I knew that she was upset….really upset. She put herself through undergrad, moved to a major city, overcame major adversity from her family growing up and she was stepping out and going for it. Even I thought to myself, what school would not take my friend?!?! I’m sure that is what she was thinking. She was sad…..she was disappointed.
And I’m here to tell you….It is OKAY to be disappointed! It is okay to be sad. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to be angry. These are called feelings…learn to understand them, because we as people (not just as women) go through these emotions every day. Every single last one of us listening to someone else’s story of disappointment would give each other permission to be upset and to feel that. So today, I give you permission to feel those feelings. To really feel them. Not just to glaze over them with a “I’m being a baby, I need to toughen up” kind of attitude. But to have that ugly cry, laid out on the floor, disheveled, covering ourselves with ash kind of moment.
Why are we so hard on ourselves when we feel ourselves facing setbacks? Why do we cut our moment short? I personally think it’s because we care so much about what the next person thinks that we don’t allow ourselves the chance to heal and in doing so, we forget to love ourselves when we need the most self-love. These are your feelings…this is your moment…Feel the moment and allow the feelings to happen. Go through your grieving process. (it is part of the process). And when you finish going through this process, get up out your bed, get up off your floor, get out of your car, take a shower, wipe the tears, and carry on.
I have carried on….I have increased my salary every year since my divorce, I am about to finish my Master’s program, I am starting my own business through Mary Kay, I am blogging, and I am enjoying my growing little man! My friend is continuing on…She received 2 other letters of acceptance, she is going to law school, she is at her new job looking at multi-million dollar contracts, and is with the love of her life (and we are talking about someone who thought she would be a spinster for the rest of her life….hmph!). And you too are continuing on! You are not defeated, you are not out of the race, and your journey is not over. There is more to your story….and I personally cannot wait to hear and see it!
I hope this post was an inspiration to you and you find healing and self-growth! I would love to hear some of your stories in the comments below! How are you overcoming your disappointments?